Talking about Jesus with non-Christian friends is a lot like talking about sex with children. The parallel is imperfect, I know. Still, I'm surprised at how much insight can be drawn from such a comparison. Think about it with me.

First of all, conversations about Jesus or about sex are best done in the context of relationship. Not that open-air preaching or 7th grade health classes are inappropriate; they're just not the most effective. Such significant conversations typically work a lot better when nurtured by hours and hours of developing and observing a trustworthy relationship. Just like kids are naturally inclined to trust their parents for life's most important lessons (provided, of course, that the parents generally prove themselves to be trustworthy), non-Christians will be a lot more willing to listen to a friend sharing about Jesus if they're confident that the friendship is a real friendship: not just some bait-and-switch evangelistic technique. On the other hand, if some stranger just walks up and starts unloading on a non-Christian about Jesus, or unloading on an elementary school kid about sex, it just feels perverse and inappropriate. On rare occasions, such random interactions can work out all right -- especially when involving direct questions and audience-appropriate answers reflecting a sense of delicacy and propriety. But more often than not, the uninitiated can walk away from these out-of-the-blue interactions feeling violated and disturbed.

Secondarily, my experience suggests that Jesus-education and sex-education work best when given in small doses -- not in one awkward, overwhelming information dump. With our children, for instance, my wife and I started their "sex-education" very young -- with simple bath-time reminders about the privacy of one's private parts (aimed at protecting them from any kind of inappropriate touching). As they grew and became aware of their bodies, we spoke frankly with them about the proper names and functions for each part of the human anatomy. And when we sensed the time was right -- based on a subjective analysis of their mental development and social stimuli -- we deliberately filled them in on the more complete picture of how sex works and what sex means. With our children, this has pretty much meant "full disclosure" by early elementary school age: not too early in life, before they were really ready to handle such information, but not too late in life either, after they'd already figured things out for themselves through alternative sources of information (or misinformation). Timely, relaxed, contextualized, candid, and considerate communication has informed our children's sex-education each step of the way, and as a result we've never really had the awkward "moment of epiphany." Their awareness of sex has simply developed as the rest of their consciousness has developed. It's been great, honestly. But how often do Christians get to experience this same dynamic in their attempts at "Jesus-education" among their non-Christian friends?

Too often, we put too much emphasis on "The Talk." And too often, this happens too late in the relationship (if ever). Perhaps it's because this is how we, ourselves, first learned about Jesus or about sex -- but our minds naturally seem to drift towards this image of a single, solemn, monumental presentation of all the relevant information in one sitting. We get nervous about giving "The Talk," but eventually we psyche ourselves up for it and plow through it with little awareness of how the information is actually being received. Then, we give a little slap on the back, say "I'm glad that we had this talk," and then go on about our business without ever checking back in for further processing. It doesn't work well for middle-school children learning about sex, and it doesn't work well for non-Christians learning about Jesus.

Finally, the attitude of the initiated toward the subject sets the tone for everything. Those of us who are coming from a place of experience can make it seem really awkward and uncomfortable -- even as we're trying to say how natural and how great it really is to know Jesus, or to experience sex. It's in our non-verbals, as well as the language that we use to describe things. If the initiated individual is comfortable talking about the subject, then the uninitiated will also feel comfortable most of the time. But awkwardness breeds awkwardness, and sometimes these conversations can go so badly that we're emotionally-scarred for many years thereafter.

I don't always handle these conversations perfectly -- either with Jesus-education or with sex-education -- but I'm learning as I go. And if you ask me, learning is a very good thing.

This weekend, our church bid farewell to another pillar of the community: a young woman, headed back to her roots in Colorado. Three weeks previously, she was preceded by another young family who moved to rural Scotland. Of course, it's sad for our church to lose such integral members -- and they will certainly be missed -- but then again, the church here has always found a way to persevere, and I'm really not the least bit worried about our ability to bounce back from these losses. If anything, it seems to me that these types of circumstances should be expected, considering that our church is quite international and largely made up of twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings: a transitory population if ever there was one.

One thing that I find quite unexpected, however, is a curious trend connecting (or contrasting) church planting and organic farming. Believe it or not: there have been at least four families (eight adults, plus eleven kids) that I know of who have transitioned from international, urban, church-planting in Amsterdam to local, rural, organic farming (at varying levels) in other parts of the world. That's something like a full quarter of those who have been a significant part of our church for a signficant period of time, and then eventually moved on! It seems like a disproportionate coincidence, doesn't it? So I've recently been wondering what really drives this phenomenon.

The conclusions that I've come to are that organic farming appeals to people who have been involved with our church in Amsterdam because (1) it's surprisingly similar, and (2) it's drastically different.

It's similar in that it's meaningful work, on-the-grond and down-to-earth, and it feels remarkably biblical (especially when you can combine it with interpersonal ministry, as a number of these families are doing). But it also seems like there's an appeal in its marked distinction from urban ministry -- because you can get out of the "concrete canyons" of central Amsterdam, you can see the sky and feel the dirt, and you can see tangible results from your labors which are not always so easy to come by when you're working with people's lives. I can especially relate with the appeal of this "tangible results" factor. Even though I've never particularly pined for the life of an organic farmer, I can understand why the attraction of working with natural dynamics more than interpersonal dynamics. Working with people is always messy and never finished. It's really difficult to look at one's ministry and be able to clearly discern the "results" of a day's work -- or a year's work, or whatever! Yes, there are little triumphs along the way: conversions, baptisms, weddings, and baby dedications... But these are still not "tangible" results in the same way that a vine-ripened butternut squash or a hand-picked raspberry jam is! I'm not complaining; I'm just noticing.

I don't know for sure if these are the reasons that there seems to be such a correlation between church planting and organic farming... but it's the best explanation I can come up with. For myself, I'm perfectly happy to "bloom where I'm planted." But I also wish my friends much success in their new endeavors... I just hope they might send me a jar of home-made, self-preserved raspberry jam sometime, by which to remember them.

Are you "going to church" this weekend? For the people of Amsterdam50, this actually doesn't mean attending a worship gathering (at least not for this weekend)! Instead, we're Serving the City.

Throughout the day today (and throughout the previous three days as well), we are (and have been) participating in a city-wide inter-church initiative called Serve the City, with different service projects happening in different parts of Amsterdam. At the end of the day today, our ministry center will be hosting a special meal for the volunteers who have participated, which just so happens to be right around the time that we typically gather for worship. Except this week, instead of our typical worship experience, we're learning how to practice "pure and genuine religion" by taking care of widows and orphans and other people in Amsterdam who need help. It's an enacted sermon, if you will. A different way of "going to church."

So this weekend, our family "went to church" along with ten people from Stichting Philadelphia (a residential center for adults who are mentally handicapped), two professional care-givers, and a bunch of wild animals. That is, we spent a lovely sunny Saturday at Artis Zoo together with people who love to see animals, to an extent that can only be rivaled by my children, but who cannot manage such an experience without the help of others to guide them and look out for them. I spent most of the day offering my arm to a 70-year-old woman named Lotte, who loved to draw pictures with felt-tipped markers that depicted all the various animals she saw. Marci and Olivia drew the admiration of a woman named Hennie, who liked to practice her English on them. Elliot became fast friends with a woman named Jolanda, who had Down's Syndrome. And on more than one occasion, the professional care-givers who accompanied the group mentioned that they were astonished to see how well their clients bonded with us. They were especially amazed to see the ways that Hennie and Jolanda responded, given that they are often prone to angry and aggressive responses to strangers  (even though we didn't see the smallest hint of this in their behavior yesterday).

All in all, it turned out to be a very productive experience of "going to church" for our family. I had a strong sense that Jesus was honored and blessed through the day, although his name was not frequently spoken, outside of the battery of questions regarding Jesus' ascension into Heaven that Lotte had for me as we walked past the giraffes and elephants.  We all felt exhausted by the time the day was finished, but satisfied: grateful for an opportunity to worship with our hands and feet.

On Sunday (the 29th of May), I spoke at Amsterdam50's weekly worship gathering on the topic of Marriage and Sex, applying wisdom from the Proverbs of Solomon to 21st Century life. On Monday (the 30th of May), my wife and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Consequently, I thought it might be interesting to adapt and improve some of my material on "The Goodness of Marriage" for use here on my blog, in serial form.

I started with providing a brief introduction to the series. I then followed up with a defense of marriage based on the topics of integrity, self-control, and submission. Now, in conclusion, I present some encouragement and exhortation for others to experience the Goodness of Marriage:

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Marriage is good. I'm firmly convinced of this fact. As a father, I hope that my children will one day get to experience the goodness of a God-given marriage. Likewise, as a pastor, I sincerely hope that many of the people in my church will get to experience the goodness of a God-given marriage. In our church, particularly, I'm always struck by the fact that we've got a lot of single people in our church -- dozens and dozens of people who are highly eligible and genuinely ready for marriage. Therefore, I think there's something really healthy about regularly celebrating the goodness of sex and the goodness of marriage -- blessing and encouraging young people to “Be fruitful and multiply!” (Genesis 1:28)

In order to experience the goodness of marriage, however, I've come to realize that some of the people in my church actually need to be encouraged to lower their standards a bit.

It sounds crazy to say this, doesn't it? But I've seen it so many times that it's hard to ignore. So many people are looking so desperately for “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Right” -- and in all the frantic searching for that special someone who shares all one's interests and completely conforms to the perfect physical specimen one had envisioned for one's spouse, people end up missing out on some really quality people right in front of them! Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Don't forget: No matter who you end up with, they’re going to disappoint you in some way. But if you can find someone who fears the LORD, then you’re off to a really good start.

For other people within my church, I've come to see that they need to be encouraged to raise their standards a bit, in order to experience the goodness of marriage.

Too many men and women underestimate themselves. They just jump at the first person who catches their eye or expresses an interest in them, and such situations inevitably backfire. Time and time again, I've had to tell young people that a level of spontaneity and spark is nice -- but it’s not going to work out well, if you join yourself with someone who will ultimately bring you down emotionally and spiritually. Proverbs 12:4 says that "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Beyond this reference, there are two separate places in the Proverbs (Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 25:24) where it says, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” And then Proverbs 21:19 takes it even a step further: “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife!” As good as marriage can be, if it's provided as a gift from the Lord, it can also be very, very bad if it's not pursued with wisdom and a modicum of foresight.

By all means, I like to encourage people to pursue the goodness of sex and marriage! But this encouragement and exhortation must be tempered with wisdom, balance, and realistic expectations if marriage is to be truly experienced as goodness.

On Sunday (the 29th of May), I spoke at Amsterdam50's weekly worship gathering on the topic of Marriage and Sex, applying wisdom from the Proverbs of Solomon to 21st Century life. On Monday (the 30th of May), my wife and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Consequently, I thought it might be interesting to adapt and improve some of my material on "The Goodness of Marriage" for use here on my blog, in serial form.

I started with providing a brief introduction to the series, and I followed that up with a defense of marriage based on the topic of integrity, and a defense of marriage based on the topic of self-control. Now finally leading up to my conclusion, I move on to a defense of marriage based on the topic of submission:

*     *     *     *     *

The idea of "integrity" still has a good deal of appeal in our culture, don't you think? "Self-control" might be a step down from there, but it's still somewhat positive. "Submission," though? The word sounds unpleasant. It feels like oppression. It seems like something to be avoided.

But I actually believe that there's something really beautiful about submission. I believe this to be true in all areas of human relationships, but especially within the context of marriage. We need to affirm and uphold the goodness of marriage because it is an example of submitting ourselves to the greater wisdom of the Bible and historical precedent. Now, even though this ultimately falling back on the classic "because the Bible says so" kind of argument -- which doesn’t always sit well with our cultural preferences -- I still think it's a valid argument!

Proverbs 22:28 says, "Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers." Just because we're strong enough to pick up a stone and smart enough to establish a reasonably-coherent argument for relocating some particular stone, that doesn't mean that we should just go ahead and do it. That stone may well be there for a good reason, and moving such an ancient boundary is needlessly endangering ourselves. As simplistic as it may sound to say so, I believe we shouldn't be quick to dismiss the witness of the Bible and of historical precedent. We like to think we know better; but honestly, this isn't usually the case. Of course, submitting to the Bible's teaching on the subject of marriage requires a degree of humility and submission. But if any authority is worth submitting to, it's God and the Bible. We may not always understand all of the reasons behind any of the Bible's directives, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't submit.

In any event, I can speak from practical experience that a lot of submission and sacrifice (mutual submission and sacrifice!) has to happen in order for a marriage (or any kind of long-term relationship) to work out. Two different people have two different perspectives, and unless a couple is going to spend all their time arguing, they have to quickly figure out ways to compromise and submit to one another. Submission is useful for upholding the goodness of marriage, and for making marriage good. To read more on this subject, Ephesians 5 provides some excellent thoughts for supporting the value of submission, particularly within the context of marriage -- but I’ll let you read that for yourself, if you want to hear more about the value of submission and sacrifice. I just think I'd be remiss if I didn't simply state: There is wisdom and benefit in submission.