Today, I'm focusing on (and memorizing) the Proverb that says, "The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin (Proverbs 10:8)."  It's reminded me of a ministry situation that I encountered about a year ago, which was very challenging at the time, though now I'd say is quite amusing in retrospect.  I wrote about the whole experience over at Proverbs 365, but I thought that today's entry might be especially interesting to regular readers of this blog, so I'm going to include a tease (an excerpt) here below:

...The Chattering Fool is dangerous, but unfortunately all too common.  I distinctly remember meeting a young man, about a year ago, who perfectly fit the caricature of the Chattering Fool -- and it was a frightening experience that will always haunt me.  Let's call him "California Ryan," for the sake of this story.  He had just moved to Amsterdam, in his early 20s, in an attempt to break his addictions to marijuana and crystal meth (Don't ask why he picked Amsterdam, of all places, to attempt such a recovery!).  He was lean and nervous, like you might expect from a recovering addict.  He had a vague, pencil-thin mustache and always wore a baseball cap.  He talked with a lot of "dude"s and "like"s and other classic Californianisms.  But his most remarkable -- most inescapable characteristic was his incessant chattering.  Seriously, like, the Dude never - stopped - talking...

To see how the situation resolved itself, you're going to have to pop on over to Proverbs 365. :-)  If the obvious cross-promotional ploy is offensive to you, I apologize.  But I'm enjoying the Proverbs 365 experience immensely, and I thought maybe I'd help you to do the same thing, too.

Ecclesiastes 7:18 – It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other.  The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.

One of the most important lessons that I’ve learned about leadership (though it also applies to evangelism, apologetics, and relationships in general) is the importance of balance.

For me, it helps to visualize a ship at sea.  A ship never gets anywhere if it’s improperly balanced -- with all the ballast and all the power to either the port or the starboard side.  If everything on the ship is stacked to one side, it’ll just go around in circles.  Thus part of the job of the leader (or the captain) is to balance the ship, so that it can sail straight and actually get somewhere.  Now, I don’t think this means that the "godly point of view" or sense of direction is always the split mid-point of every controversy.  But I do think there’s something to be said for a leader helping to keep all the ship’s crew and cargo from bunching up on one side -- allowing for more stability and confidence in the ultimate heading that is determined.  I absolutely believe it’s possible to maintain firm convictions but also hold them loosely enough (in certain settings) to allow for better dialogue and better self-realization.

This is kind of how I envision it:  Pick a controversy, any controversy... say, Calvinism (predestination) versus Arminianism (free will).  Typically, people will set themselves up at two opposite ends of a spectrum, like this:

So in such a situation, the trick in achieving a sense of balance is to broaden the spectrum and create a sense that maybe you’re not all that far apart from each other after all.

This is basically asking the question:  "What is the extreme, unhealthy, imbalanced version of what I believe -- and how is my viewpoint different from that?"  And then asking the question:  "What is the extreme, unhealthy, imbalanced version of what my ‘opponent’ believes -- and how is his/her viewpoint different from that?"  This is related to the classical "straw man" fallacy in logic -- with its critical distinction being that a "straw man" is also set up in one’s own camp.

At its essence, this is an exercise in looking one’s "opponent" in the eye and saying, "Listen, there are whackos out there who take what you’re saying to the extreme, and there are whackos out there who take what I’m saying to the extreme.  See, we’re not as far apart from each other as it might initially seem."  It’s important to follow this up with both parties saying to each other (though it usually takes one side starting off -- even though it might have the appearance of weakening one’s position!):  "You know, I believe you’re a decent, reasonable person.  I don’t think you’re some dangerous whacko.  In fact, I respect you, and I’d like to think we could be friends, even if we don’t see 100% eye-to-eye."

From all my experience, this footing is essential to constructive dialogue and meaningful relationships.  No one will respect a leader or a friend who’s not willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Some Christians might say that this is "worldly thinking" or just a clever trick to win arguments.  They might reference Romans 12:2 or 1 Corinthians 1-2 to say that we need to stand for our principles, no matter how at-odds those principles might be with what the rest of the world is saying.

Instead, I prefer to think of it as practicing the principles of Romans chapter 14.  There, we are told to "Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters (v. 1)... Who are you to judge someone else’s servant?  To his own master he stands or falls (v. 4)... Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another.  Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way (v. 13)... Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification.  Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of _________ (v. 19)."  In Romans 14, the argument was about food, but I believe the same principles hold true for any kind of secondary issue or argument.

And even when it comes to talking about primary issues (matters that are absolutely not "disputable"), it’s still wise to not just shut someone down without trying to empathize with their point of view.  Practicing such exercises in balanced leadership are, in a sense, carrying each other’s (intellectual) burdens (see Galatians 6:1-5).  It’s bearing with the failings of the weak (see Romans 15:1).  It’s being as shrewd as snakes in our interactions with others (Matthew 10:16).  It’s wise, and it’s Biblical!

Balanced leadership is wise and Biblical... but it's not always easy.  I've also learned through the years that in order to successfully achieve a good sense of balance, it can be helpful to learn how to develop a sense of detachment.

Detachment can sound like such a negative concept -- like a person who’s not in touch with her or her emotions, like a father who has distanced himself from his child, like someone who’s cold, methodical, and robotic... And yet, I’ve really come to see detachment as an essential leadership skill.  Not so much on the personal level -- but more on the positional level.

What I mean is that so often, when conflict comes up in a leadership setting, it has way more to do with positional stuff than with personal stuff.  I’ve often been criticized as a Christian, as an American, as an authority figure (pastor, group leader, supervisor)... But I’ve gotten myself into trouble when I’ve assumed these to be people’s issues with Eric D. Asp -- when in fact they have very little to do with me, personally, at all!  Much more often, the difficulties have to do with the mistakes, sins, hurts, and dysfunctions of others than with the individuals who may actually be involved in the situation.  For instance, if someone says to me, "You Christians are so darn narrow-minded and dogmatic.  I hate Christians!" -- it can be tempting to feel like I’m being personally attacked.  However, it could just be that this person is saying that she has had some bad experiences with Christians, or that she has noticed some points of friction with her own belief systems (more often than not, this is the case in these situations).  If we respond out of defensiveness, hurt, or a stubborn insistence on winning people to our point of view, then we run the risk of simply making the situation worse.  But if we can respond with a sense of detached care and curiosity, we can draw the other person out and build understanding.

The counter-balance to this, of course, is that we need to be careful not to blame-shift (in case there really is an issue in our own lives!).  But we also do well to remember that it’s not all about us and making people accept us or like us!  Experience has taught me that it’s usually more about people’s woundedness -- from parents, siblings, school teachers, church leaders, political figures, concepts, stereotypes, and misperceptions -- than it is about some particular argument at hand.

But, of course, you never really figure this out until you get into actual dialogue with someone.  And you may never be able to get into actual dialogue with someone if you can't figure out how to position the issues in a balance way and how maintain a certain level of emotional detachment.  I hope some of the principles that I've outlined here might be useful to some of you.  I can imagine that they might also be somewhat controversial -- but hey, I'm always willing to dialogue with you about it. :-)

This has got to be one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.

It's ridiculous, really, to realize how often I think about this scene -- when I'm in the midst of everyday conversations (and particularly church leadership situations).  Something about the scene rings so true to our human nature and social dynamics... And I really think there are some valuable leadership lessons in there.  But it's just funny that it comes in the package of a film about a frog and bear helping to break a pig out of jail.

I hope you enjoy the clip as much as I do.

Lead is a heavy substance. A dense element. Dull, bluish-gray... it is not inherrently beautiful. It is often cold to the touch, though solid. In our culture, in this day and age, lead is not highly prized for its material value -- unlike more "precious" metals such as gold or silver. You'll catch no woman standing in the lead section of Tiffany's - New York, gazing at the beautiful lead pieces of jewelry. You'll watch no man fighting to win a lead medal at the Olympic Games. Lead is dull, dark, and dense... a dream of the foolish.

In fact, lead has been scientifically verified to have its dangers. Leaded paint. Leaded gasoline. Too much lead used in the wrong ways can lead to toxicity, a pollution of the environment, a hazard to the most innocent members of society. Our world is full of mothers anxious to keep their children away from houses with old paint jobs and shady sandboxes suspected of being infected with even the most microscopic granules of lead industriously sand-blasted off of some old bridge somewhere. A sensible person can't take chances with a substance as potentially harmful as lead.

Still, there is a certain beauty and value to lead, if employed under the proper circumstances. Lead can be a layer of protection when you're sitting in the dentist's chair, getting your teeth x-rayed. A heavy, reassuring apron of protection, a shield, a safeguard. Lead can serve as a framework for beautiful art. Small polygonic pieces of rippled red, mottled magenta, glittering green, brilliant blue, fitted together by a master artisan with small strips of lead. Leaded glass suppported by a web of lead, spanning an entire wall of a majestic gothic cathedral. And when the sunlight shines through the beautiful stained glass window, it offers a brilliant and warm glow to anyone who turns their face in the direction of the leaded masterpiece.