Marci and I had a lovely anniversary trip to Brussels. The weather was maybe not so lovely, mostly cool and rainy, but it was still passable enough that we could enjoy the city. And of course, it was nice that we could just enjoy each other.

It was wonderful to just stroll down the cobbled streets and see what we could see along the way. To us, the visit didn't have the same sense of urgency that Rome or Paris would have, where it's like "We've got to see the Sistene Chapel," or, "We've got to see the Eiffel Tower" or whatever. We could see a section of Brussels' most celebrated landmark -- the Grand Place -- from our hotel room, so we didn't have to be in any terrible rush to see a bunch of other tourist attractions. We just took the city as it came to us, and there's really something to be said for that. In case you'd like to see some of the pictures from our adventures in Brussels, you can access a more complete collection in the Family Pictures section of the website...

Of everything that happened during our 28 hours in Brussels, however, I'm afraid that one of the most significant and most memorable experiences happened in our last two minutes -- when my backpack was stolen, just as the train to Amsterdam was about to arrive. One guy asked us a question about where to catch the next train to Midi Station, and while we were engaged with him an accomplice picked up the backpack and walked away with it. We noticed it within 10 seconds of the incident, but it was already too late. Grrr.

With the loss of my backpack, we lost our train tickets, our passports, my Dutch driver's license, my set of keys, and some other relatively minor personal affects -- so I can't imagine it will be all that great of a haul for the thieves, who are usually looking for cash or electronics... But it's a big hassle for us. Ah well. There's not much that can be done about it now.  It could have been a lot worse... And the train conductors and police officers were helpful in the face of our loss... And we got to spend a special weekend in Brussels... So we can count our blessings.

This weekend, Marci and I are looking forward to a belated celebration of our 13th wedding anniversary by taking an overnight trip to Brussels. Even though this is basically the equivalent of someone from Cleveland, Ohio taking a road trip to visit Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, we're really excited to experience Brussels for ourselves. Believe it or not, after eight-and-a-half years of living in this part of the world, this will be our first time actually visiting Brussels (outside of the train station, at least).

So I'm curious: Does anyone have any travel tips for us?

I've already been told that the waffles are a requirement. Also, the Grand Place seems to be an obvious choice (especially given that we'll be staying in a hotel very close to this landmark). But what else might you advise? Any particular sites to see? Any great restaurants or places for coffee? How does one get "the True Brussels Experience?" Any advice would be welcomed!

On Sunday (the 29th of May), I spoke at Amsterdam50's weekly worship gathering on the topic of Marriage and Sex, applying wisdom from the Proverbs of Solomon to 21st Century life. On Monday (the 30th of May), my wife and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Consequently, I thought it might be interesting to adapt and improve some of my material on "The Goodness of Marriage" for use here on my blog, in serial form.

I started with providing a brief introduction to the series. I then followed up with a defense of marriage based on the topics of integrity, self-control, and submission. Now, in conclusion, I present some encouragement and exhortation for others to experience the Goodness of Marriage:

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Marriage is good. I'm firmly convinced of this fact. As a father, I hope that my children will one day get to experience the goodness of a God-given marriage. Likewise, as a pastor, I sincerely hope that many of the people in my church will get to experience the goodness of a God-given marriage. In our church, particularly, I'm always struck by the fact that we've got a lot of single people in our church -- dozens and dozens of people who are highly eligible and genuinely ready for marriage. Therefore, I think there's something really healthy about regularly celebrating the goodness of sex and the goodness of marriage -- blessing and encouraging young people to “Be fruitful and multiply!” (Genesis 1:28)

In order to experience the goodness of marriage, however, I've come to realize that some of the people in my church actually need to be encouraged to lower their standards a bit.

It sounds crazy to say this, doesn't it? But I've seen it so many times that it's hard to ignore. So many people are looking so desperately for “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Right” -- and in all the frantic searching for that special someone who shares all one's interests and completely conforms to the perfect physical specimen one had envisioned for one's spouse, people end up missing out on some really quality people right in front of them! Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Don't forget: No matter who you end up with, they’re going to disappoint you in some way. But if you can find someone who fears the LORD, then you’re off to a really good start.

For other people within my church, I've come to see that they need to be encouraged to raise their standards a bit, in order to experience the goodness of marriage.

Too many men and women underestimate themselves. They just jump at the first person who catches their eye or expresses an interest in them, and such situations inevitably backfire. Time and time again, I've had to tell young people that a level of spontaneity and spark is nice -- but it’s not going to work out well, if you join yourself with someone who will ultimately bring you down emotionally and spiritually. Proverbs 12:4 says that "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Beyond this reference, there are two separate places in the Proverbs (Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 25:24) where it says, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” And then Proverbs 21:19 takes it even a step further: “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife!” As good as marriage can be, if it's provided as a gift from the Lord, it can also be very, very bad if it's not pursued with wisdom and a modicum of foresight.

By all means, I like to encourage people to pursue the goodness of sex and marriage! But this encouragement and exhortation must be tempered with wisdom, balance, and realistic expectations if marriage is to be truly experienced as goodness.

On Sunday (the 29th of May), I spoke at Amsterdam50's weekly worship gathering on the topic of Marriage and Sex, applying wisdom from the Proverbs of Solomon to 21st Century life. On Monday (the 30th of May), my wife and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Consequently, I thought it might be interesting to adapt and improve some of my material on "The Goodness of Marriage" for use here on my blog, in serial form.

I started with providing a brief introduction to the series, and I followed that up with a defense of marriage based on the topic of integrity, and a defense of marriage based on the topic of self-control. Now finally leading up to my conclusion, I move on to a defense of marriage based on the topic of submission:

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The idea of "integrity" still has a good deal of appeal in our culture, don't you think? "Self-control" might be a step down from there, but it's still somewhat positive. "Submission," though? The word sounds unpleasant. It feels like oppression. It seems like something to be avoided.

But I actually believe that there's something really beautiful about submission. I believe this to be true in all areas of human relationships, but especially within the context of marriage. We need to affirm and uphold the goodness of marriage because it is an example of submitting ourselves to the greater wisdom of the Bible and historical precedent. Now, even though this ultimately falling back on the classic "because the Bible says so" kind of argument -- which doesn’t always sit well with our cultural preferences -- I still think it's a valid argument!

Proverbs 22:28 says, "Do not move an ancient boundary stone set up by your forefathers." Just because we're strong enough to pick up a stone and smart enough to establish a reasonably-coherent argument for relocating some particular stone, that doesn't mean that we should just go ahead and do it. That stone may well be there for a good reason, and moving such an ancient boundary is needlessly endangering ourselves. As simplistic as it may sound to say so, I believe we shouldn't be quick to dismiss the witness of the Bible and of historical precedent. We like to think we know better; but honestly, this isn't usually the case. Of course, submitting to the Bible's teaching on the subject of marriage requires a degree of humility and submission. But if any authority is worth submitting to, it's God and the Bible. We may not always understand all of the reasons behind any of the Bible's directives, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't submit.

In any event, I can speak from practical experience that a lot of submission and sacrifice (mutual submission and sacrifice!) has to happen in order for a marriage (or any kind of long-term relationship) to work out. Two different people have two different perspectives, and unless a couple is going to spend all their time arguing, they have to quickly figure out ways to compromise and submit to one another. Submission is useful for upholding the goodness of marriage, and for making marriage good. To read more on this subject, Ephesians 5 provides some excellent thoughts for supporting the value of submission, particularly within the context of marriage -- but I’ll let you read that for yourself, if you want to hear more about the value of submission and sacrifice. I just think I'd be remiss if I didn't simply state: There is wisdom and benefit in submission.

On Sunday (the 29th of May), I spoke at Amsterdam50's weekly worship gathering on the topic of Marriage and Sex, applying wisdom from the Proverbs of Solomon to 21st Century life. On Monday (the 30th of May), my wife and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Consequently, I thought it might be interesting to adapt (and improve) some of my material on "The Goodness of Marriage" for use here on my blog, in serial form. Now that I've provided a brief introduction to the series, and a defense of marriage based on the topic of integrity, I now move on to a defense of marriage based on the topic of self-control:

*     *     *     *     *

The Proverbs also have a lot to say about self-discipline and self-control, as an expression of wisdom; and I think that saving sex for marriage is an excellent way to develop this kind of self-control.

Proverbs 20:25 says, "It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider his vows." Of course, this could certainly apply to situations of rushed marriages (i.e. "shotgun weddings") just as much as to premarital sex. So maybe that spontaneous city hall / wedding-in-the-park idea is not the best choice for initiating a lifetime of commitment! :-) But actually... at least with a scenario like that, there’s a moment of pause when the city official asks if you’re really, consciously, committing to each other, and again when you make public promises to each other in front of friends and in front of God. It slows the process down a bit and allows for clear-headedness. Waiting to have sex until after being married is an excellent way to foster self-control and provide some time for considering one's vows, outside the "heat of the moment" and the rush of hormones that can heavily influence a couple in those private bedroom decisions.

Proverbs 25:28 says, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." And in the same way, a couple without self-control is going to be extremely susceptible to attacks. The relationship is exponentially more-likely to crumble. As old-fashioned as saving sex for marriage may sound to some people, I have yet to see a better way to test and demonstrate self-control in a relational context. Self-control is a foundational element in building trust and establishing a healthy relationship. Especially in a marriage relationship! No matter what (even if you're married to the most beautiful, most kind, most affectionate person), there will be times of temptation and doubt and compromised emotions, when decisions have to be made on the basis of self-discipline and not just on what's happening in the moment. Therefore, waiting to have sex until after marriage is a great way to exercise self-discipline -- and to see if your partner is willing / able to exercise that same level of self-discipline.

Self-control may actually be something of a misnomer -- as I actually believe that we need to let the Holy Spirit control us, in order to fully live as God intends us to live. But according to Galatians 5, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit in our lives is "self-control," and I'm suggesting that this is precisely what is needed in order for a relationship to succeed.