On Sunday (the 29th of May), I spoke at Amsterdam50's weekly worship gathering on the topic of Marriage and Sex, applying wisdom from the Proverbs of Solomon to 21st Century life. On Monday (the 30th of May), my wife and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Consequently, I thought it might be interesting to adapt and improve some of my material on "The Goodness of Marriage" for use here on my blog, in serial form.

I started with providing a brief introduction to the series. I then followed up with a defense of marriage based on the topics of integrity, self-control, and submission. Now, in conclusion, I present some encouragement and exhortation for others to experience the Goodness of Marriage:

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Marriage is good. I'm firmly convinced of this fact. As a father, I hope that my children will one day get to experience the goodness of a God-given marriage. Likewise, as a pastor, I sincerely hope that many of the people in my church will get to experience the goodness of a God-given marriage. In our church, particularly, I'm always struck by the fact that we've got a lot of single people in our church -- dozens and dozens of people who are highly eligible and genuinely ready for marriage. Therefore, I think there's something really healthy about regularly celebrating the goodness of sex and the goodness of marriage -- blessing and encouraging young people to “Be fruitful and multiply!” (Genesis 1:28)

In order to experience the goodness of marriage, however, I've come to realize that some of the people in my church actually need to be encouraged to lower their standards a bit.

It sounds crazy to say this, doesn't it? But I've seen it so many times that it's hard to ignore. So many people are looking so desperately for “Mr. Right” or “Ms. Right” -- and in all the frantic searching for that special someone who shares all one's interests and completely conforms to the perfect physical specimen one had envisioned for one's spouse, people end up missing out on some really quality people right in front of them! Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Don't forget: No matter who you end up with, they’re going to disappoint you in some way. But if you can find someone who fears the LORD, then you’re off to a really good start.

For other people within my church, I've come to see that they need to be encouraged to raise their standards a bit, in order to experience the goodness of marriage.

Too many men and women underestimate themselves. They just jump at the first person who catches their eye or expresses an interest in them, and such situations inevitably backfire. Time and time again, I've had to tell young people that a level of spontaneity and spark is nice -- but it’s not going to work out well, if you join yourself with someone who will ultimately bring you down emotionally and spiritually. Proverbs 12:4 says that "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Beyond this reference, there are two separate places in the Proverbs (Proverbs 21:9 and Proverbs 25:24) where it says, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” And then Proverbs 21:19 takes it even a step further: “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife!” As good as marriage can be, if it's provided as a gift from the Lord, it can also be very, very bad if it's not pursued with wisdom and a modicum of foresight.

By all means, I like to encourage people to pursue the goodness of sex and marriage! But this encouragement and exhortation must be tempered with wisdom, balance, and realistic expectations if marriage is to be truly experienced as goodness.