On Sunday (the 29th of May), I spoke at Amsterdam50's weekly worship gathering on the topic of Marriage and Sex, applying wisdom from the Proverbs of Solomon to 21st Century life. On Monday (the 30th of May), my wife and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. Consequently, I thought it might be interesting to adapt (and improve) some of my material on "The Goodness of Marriage" for use here on my blog, in serial form. Now that I've provided a brief introduction to the series, I'm moving on to a defense of marriage based on the topic of integrity:

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Integrity basically means having one's words and one's actions in alignment with each other. The word speaks of wholeness and entirety, where the exterior is made of the same stuff as the interior. It’s solid all the way through. And the Proverbs regularly say that there’s wisdom and protection when a person walks in integrity. For instance, Proverbs 11:3 says, "The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity." I think we probably all get this on a pretty intuitive level. But basically, I believe embracing marriage -- both in word and in deed -- is a way to walk in integrity.

Just about everyone would probably agree that it's not good when someone promises that they're going to be faithful to another person (i.e. in a wedding ceremony), and then later on, he or she lacks integrity and breaks that promise... But I would contend that it's also not good when someone takes action (even loving, faithful, monogamous action) without being willing to put words to it and accept the "complete package" of a marital relationship -- because this is also a lack of integrity. A person who plays the part of being married while not actually being married does not have his or her actions and words in proper alignment.

Again, according to the Proverbs, there is a strength and blessing that comes from walking in integrity. Proverbs 13:6 says, "Righteousness guards the person of integrity, but wickedness overthrows the sinner." And Proverbs 10:9 says, "Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out."

So you know those people who say, ““What’s the big deal with marriage?” and “Do I really need some piece of paper from the government or the blessing of some religious leader in order to stay committed to the person of my choice?!?” I can totally understand their point! But if they’re saying that the government paperwork and the outward ceremonies are just not that important, I would just say, "OK -- if it's not that big of a deal, why don't you just do it?" Anyone who wanted to could make an appointment with the city hall (in Amsterdam, the waiting period for processing this paperwork is typically about six weeks) and get all the appropriate legal paperwork on file. Then following the civil ceremony, I would be more than willing to meet the couple in the park afterwards with some friends to "officiate" an informal wedding ceremony and help commit their relationship to God.

Indeed it doesn't have to be some "big white wedding" that costs thousands and thousands of euros! The bride could be holding a bouquet of daisies and dandelions, and it would still be a meaningful moment. But there's still something to an actual wedding (however informal it may be) which allows for a degree of integrity which a couple just doesn’t get with private bedroom decisions.

Of course, we all want to avoid the lack of integrity that comes with marriages full of broken promises and adultery -- and we've all seen far too much of this in the last couple generations of societal development. However, the antidote to this problem is not to just drop the titles and promises. It's to live in integrity, with our words and actions in alignment. God blesses integrity.