Is it possible to contend without being contentious?

Is it possible to write a compelling argument without coming across as being unnecessarily argumentative?

These are questions that are buzzing around in my mind these days. I recently finished reading T. David Gordon's Why Johnny Can't Preach, and I was thoroughly impressed by the information that was presented in the book... but there was something that bothered me about it, and it was only a few days after my final reading that I was able to put my finger on the problem. Despite the excellence of Gordon's material, I feel that its impact was hindered by the authorial tone: a tone which I experienced to be subtly obnoxious.

Now, I've heard that Dr. Gordon can be very pleasant and charming, in-person; so I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt as a person. Nevertheless, without any personal context, it's hard to interpret the way that Gordon builds his argument (albeit an excellent argument) as being anything other than belittling, brow-beating, and curmudgeonly. As far as I can tell, he doesn't even attempt to disguise his disdain for people with different opinions and practices (in this case, people from the emergent church movement and unskilled preachers of all different theological persuasions). And when he makes his points (excellent points though they may be!), he regularly leads into them with words like "clearly," or "obviously" -- and the general tone is such that "any idiot should know this, and if you think otherwise, well, then you're just a dummy." He doesn't say it in so many words, but let me just say that I was able to pick up the cues -- and I'm not even a very intuitive person.

The thing is: it's not just one book by one author. I get this same vibe from a lot of Christians -- preachers, especially. And if I'm irked by it (even though I am both a Christian and a preacher), I can only imagine what people outside the Church must feel in the midst of such contentious communication. To me, one's tone speaks just as much, if not more, than one's words; and I'm just saying that our tone all-too-frequently fails to communicate the message that Jesus said we're really supposed to be sending.

I understand the need to be committed to Truth. I understand the need to argue intelligently and articulately about important issues. And I understand that polarizing and passionately-argued books might sell better than books marked by moderation. Still, I wish for a different way of forming arguments -- with humility and gentleness and empathy. I wish for a way to contend without being contentious -- to present arguments without being argumentative.