It's strange, but I've had a couple of people initiate conversation me in the last month -- pretty much out of the blue -- to talk about the meaning of my last name.  "Hey, I just learned what your last name means," the conversation goes.  "Do you know what your last name means?" I have a few ideas of what my last name means, but having had this conversation numerous times throughout the course of my life, I tell them that it depends.

According to Wikipedia, the word "Asp is the modern Anglicization of the word aspis, which in antiquity referred to any one of several venomous snake species found in the Nile region.  It is believed that the aspis referred to in Egyptian mythology is the modern Egyptian cobra."  This is what most people are getting at, when they say that they've discovered the "secret" meaning of my last name.  An Asp is a kind of snake.  "Which means I better watch out for you!  Har, har, har..." is the standard follow-up joke.  The deadly snake -- perhaps most famous for being the instrument of Queen Cleopatra's suicide -- has also given rise to modern usages of the name "Asp" for (among other things) a type of hand-gun and for the name of (the little orphan) Annie's Chinese chauffeur / body-guard.

As far as I've figured out, however, my last name is actually more closely linked to the Aspen tree than to the Aspis snake.  At least when it comes to Swedish and Norwegian names (there's some confusion about which side of the Scandinavian peninsula our ancestors -- and indeed all people with the surname Asp -- came from), the surname Asp generally indicates "dweller by the aspen trees."  It's a name derived from geography -- from a landmark.  And since this is a lot more peaceful and pleasant and benign than the idea of being named after a deadly snake, this is usually the definition that I typically embrace.

It really goes further than etymology, though, doesn't it?  Ultimately, the public perception of any given name comes down to random word association.  And that's where I've been saddled with a name that sounds unfortunately similar to the English word "ass."  Yes, there are other near-homonyms as well -- "ask" and "as," for instance.  But those sound-alikes are not nearly as fun for experimentation among school-aged children.  Thus through the years, I've picked up a lot of creative permutations of the name Asp, including (but by no means limited to) the following:

• Kick-Asp
• Kiss-Asp
• Jack-Asp
• Dumb-Asp
• Pain-in-the-Asp
• Asp-hole
• Smart Asp
• Hairy Asp
• Rudy-poo candy-Asp (i.e. an adjective, describing anything exceptionally wimpy)
• Big-Asp (i.e. an adjective describing anything exceptionally large)

One of the classic jokes along these lines goes with the naming of children, given the fact that Harry, Jack, and Candy are occasionally used as personal names (and how cruel it would be for me, as a parent, to give one of these names to a child born into our family name!).  But suffice to say:  I've heard these variations on my last name for so long that it's even gotten to the point where I can genuinely appreciate it if anyone comes up with a new one!  It's a whole lot more fun to play along and make light of the situation than it is to become hurt or offended anytime someone pulls one of these word associations out.  So I'm curious:  can any of you think of any other good ones?  I'll give bonus points to anyone who comes up with something original...

And in the meantime, I'll just go on with being an Asp.