I haven't gotten any responses, electronically yet. Still, I thought it might be interesting to put out some of the questions that have been submitted via other means. Here's what's come in so far:

1. In Christian circles divorce is considered "not done," but where is the line? If someone says they "can no longer feel the love," we would advise to work on the relationship, but if they discover they are married to a serial killer we would agree divorce is correct. So what about cheating or abusive relationships?

2. Which characteristics do you think a healthy relationship should have? (What should you look for before getting married?)

3. What would you do if you or your partner fell in love with someone else?

4. How do you bring out the potential in your partner?

5. Are there things you should not share with your partner?

6. What is marriage?

7. What does God have to do with marriage?

8. Why do (some) Christians emphasize so much on the restriction of sex within marriage, while there is almost no Christian perspectives on other elements of a dating relationship (i.e. no common restrictions for other elements such as spiritual, emotional, or conversational interaction)?

9. Why do you think a church with this many young single people brings forth so few relationships (dating relationships, that is)?

10. Do you see your marriage as a COVENANT? And if you do, what does this mean to you?

11. Why do you believe God created sex for within the marriage and not for outside of marriage?

12. How does the biblical view on man and woman division work out practically in your marriage?

13. How do you stop loving someone who doesn't want to be with you?

14. What character qualities would be good to see in a potential husband or wife?

15. When did you know you wanted to marry that person?

16. What do you see God's role was in bringing you together?

17. As a single how do you prepare for marriage?

18. What role does sex play in your relationship? How does it bring you closer or separate you?

19. What has been the hardest thing about being married?

20. What has been the most wonderful thing about being married?

21. What fears did you have about marriage and how were they realized or not?

22. What is God's purpose for marriage?

23. What is the balance between our role and God's role in finding a mate? What does this look like practically in the life of a single man and in the life of a single woman? Is there a difference?

24. What do you love the most about being married?

25. Marriage is a life-long commitment. What gave you the confidence or peace about making this commitment to your husband or wife?

26. What is something you really love about your husband or wife?

27. What is one of your favorite / most special memories with your husband or wife?

28. What surprised you the most about sex?

29. Sometimes couples say, "This is our song." Do you have a song?

30. Is there a Bible verse that has meant a lot to you as a couple?

31. What is the beset way for your husband or wife to make you feel very loved?

32. Do you have nicknames or special terms of endearment for each other?

33. Is there something you wish your spouse asked you more often?

34. Are you ever tempted to play matchmaker in the church?

35. As a married person, is there something you wish single people understood better?

Good questions, huh?!? I'd be curious to hear if any of these questions in particular really stood out to you -- made you think, "Oh, yeah! THAT'S a good question! I'd really like to hear the answer to that one."

Some thoughts from me … I could see how this conversation (The Love Panel) could easily become a discussion of how to prepare for marriage on the practical level or of trying to tackle big questions such as “why does God ask us to wait until we are married before we have sex?” And I’m sure that some practical tips and some good truth will be spoken along these lines, which is a good thing. However, what I think would be even more powerful and what I find myself longing for is more of an intimate portrait of marriage.

I feel like I’ve heard too much about how difficult marriage is and don’t hear enough about what is really great about being married. I think marriage is beautiful, and it’s obviously something God cherishes and values very highly, but I believe our culture at large and our church as well(!) have lost a sense of the beauty and value of marriage. At a wedding, we celebrate the beginning of a marriage, and we get to hear stories of how the couple came together, special moments they’ve shared, and special things they appreciate about one another.

As I try to communicate my ideas for The Love Panel, this Saint-Exupery quote comes to mind:
"If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."

If we are inspired and captured by the beauty of messy, real-life, sweet, loving marriages full of grace, then maybe the practical steps of getting married suddenly won’t seem so insurmountable.

It seems to me that the best preparation for marriage is growing up under the loving care of parents who really love, respect and enjoy each other. Most of us did not receive that gift. This is one of many ways that the married couples in our church can be a blessing. Let us warm our hands by the fire of your love. Give us pictures, songs, and moments of the joy and pain and laughter you’ve shared. Be real.

I realize this is a lot to ask and realize this has to be done with sensitivity. I know you don’t want to focus on what you have and others don’t in an insensitive way. I’m curious to hear what other people think of my ideas, but I actually think that being confronted with the beauty of marriage to the point that it shakes us up and brings up the pain of what we long for is a GOOD thing. That pain is there. Let God use your lives, your stories, to give us hope. I trust that He will. =)

Sounds like a great list of questions! I wish I could be there for it. Any chance that it will go up on the website?

I guess the question I would most want to ask is one that probably shouldn't be asked in that setting. As you know, I spent a lot of time helping sex addicts and getting to know their lives and their problems. I saw again and again that the women in their lives simply could not believe them to be good men once they found out about their sexual sins. This held true no matter when they had had the problem - they could be in the middle of trying to change, or have removed that from their lives a decade before. I wonder how many of the men on that panel at one time struggled with sexual sins, and whether they ever told their wives. If so, I especially wish I could hear from the women what effect that had on them, and how they dealt with it.

I expect neither the men nor the women would want to discuss that one in the forum. I doubt I would want to that publicly, so I certainly don't blame them.

Anyway, I hope the panel is a great success!
Perzik

Great feedback from both of you, Patricia and Shawn! Seriously, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think there's room for integration of both of your questions / ideals...

As I've thought about it more, I've felt more and more like I would hope for the panel discussion to be predominantly characterized by fun and transparency -- which seem to resonate quite well with what you guys have expressed here in the comments. Because there are three different couples involved, of course we're going to have to sort things out to a level that will be comfortable for everyone involved. But at least I know from my end that fun and transparency are the two main attitudes that I want to bring into the discussion...

After it's all said and done, the results should indeed be posted in the Media section of www.amsterdam50.nl. So the whole WORLD can look forward to hearing the results of our panel discussion (for whatever it's worth!).